Agent MOJO
AGENT NAME: MOJO
AKA: Brian Tanner, Tan Man, Mr. T, T-Rex, Honey-Do
AGE: 33
SEX: …still waiting to have ‘the talk.’
MODUS OPERANDI: Disguising a dark and sinister evil behind a false facade of impish innocence… much like Elijah Wood. Agent Mojo is brought to you in an anamorphic wide-screen format.
BACKGROUND: Having received extensive physical and psychological training, Agent Mojo has been meticulously working undercover to expose the megalomaniacal misbehaving tendencies and the totalitarian plot of a manipulative mastermind plotting to overthrow the world by subverting America’s youth through subliminal messages embedded into the seemingly benign crossword puzzles found on the backs of cereal boxes in order to convert the little tykes into a mob of rampaging ‘yoots’ whose duel purpose is one: Ravage the wallets of their parents and/or guardians to conform to the consumerist goal of transforming them into rabid sugar freaks high on their own adrenaline and silliness and two: Write extensive and unnecessarily long background reports utilizing alliterations, juxtapositions, and chiaroscuro lighting in the vein of Arlo Guthrie and Bill Cosby, although without the wit and humor, with the attempt at the answers to life, the universe, and everything.
DO NOT let the fact he wears hearing aids scare you. They have been implanted in order that he may hear the voices in his head better.
LAST KNOWN LOCATION: Somewhere in the corner of a long-forgotten space of prairie soon to be magically transformed by the commercialist vision of big city entrepreneurs and their extensive technological know-how into a thriving rain forest in the heart of the heartland designed to extract the hard earned income from unsuspecting and weary travelers passing through on their way to the end of the rainbow.
